background
Five years ago, the Knesset approved ten million shekels for the treatment of sexual harassment.
As part of the blessed program, it was decided that budgets would be allocated for the training of supervisors and for a complaint database, but guess what is not in the program? A way to handle complaints that will come to light in a different way than the way that is being done today. The news is important - the legislator finally gives his mind to a state blow... actually a world blow.
The scope of the phenomena of sexual abuse is unfathomable. Almost every woman has been sexually harassed to varying degrees of severity.
The aid centers report that less than 5% of the complaints turn into lawsuits against the perpetrators. Of the complaints that are consolidated into claims, approximately 80% reach mediation - except / it turns out that there is a severe shortage of mediators specializing in the field of sexual abuse, which requires special skill.
Why are courts not the right place?
Anyone who deals with sexual abuse and harassment knows that courts are a bad way to deal with it. The slowness of the system, the exposure of the victims to the investigation of a lawyer whose entire job is to tarnish the credibility of the victims is one of the first barriers for people to complain. Even those who overcome their fears will find themselves on a mentally and financially exhausting path. Perhaps at the end of three or four years there will be recognition of the harm done to them And maybe also financial compensation...
Moreover, the law establishes limitations of the statute of limitations, an evidentiary threshold that must be met, and a large part of the damages cannot come through the gates of the courts at all due to the lack of compliance with these requirements.
Soon the campaign will be turned upside down for us women ...
The me too campaign did a wonderful service to the issues of sexual harassment, awareness and created a real revolution.
There is a new understanding of "what is allowed and what is not allowed".. There is a desire to create respectful norms of behavior within the organizations, but this awareness also permeates the relations between the sexes at all their levels and should be welcomed because it has come to correct thousands of years of power relations in the sea of the sexes that has cost us all dearly, also In its destructive effect on our love life, on women's ability to trust men.
However, the campaign, like any revolution, produces "counter-waves" that pose additional challenges such as "Zilot", the issue of sexual harassment due to the flood and the number of cases, "Communicative field trials may be a double-edged sword.
The ear gets used to it. What caused an uproar two years ago, has eroded emotionally, because you get used to everything, even bad things, and the threshold of sensitivity dulls. For many men, a conditioned counter-reaction was created because this is what "war" does - radicalizes attitudes and makes people choose sides. So it turns out that even men who strongly condemned certain behaviors before the campaign, now feel a kind of lack of identification with the male sex as a whole.
By the way it is interesting why the campaign removes from many people the consciousness of the war of the sexes women against men instead of being moral people against people who are not. This fact is much more amazing because some of the public figures who are accused of sexual abuse in general harassed men.
To understand how deep the crisis in gender relations is, it is enough to hear the expression of the youth "feminazit".
The Maidla culture
We all understand that the norms have changed. That what was once normal and acceptable is actually breaking the law and is no longer acceptable.
In unquote conversations we all understand that we were part of an entire social system. The boss who peeked at my cleavage, the CEO who felt the fabric of the pants to know if the fabric was pleasant to the touch, the lawyer with whom I interned who recommended that I open an extra button at the entrance to the yeshiva... humor that has gone out of fashion today.
It is clear to us that the women were also part of this game system that was dictated by men and silenced by women and it is clear to everyone that we are in a new game... but on the way we have to take care of the injuries that occurred in the old world when the world already behaves differently. And the most significant change of all is the network. Because in today's world - the law is no longer really relevant. You are immediately judged on the network for better or for worse... and the faster you become a star on the network, the faster you can crash your life's work, your good name, your property and your family in a flash.
And those who have eyes in their head try to protect themselves ahead of time... The way men are chosen, especially in key positions, is to try and downplay the potential of closeness with women, this means open doors in one-on-one meetings... but this also means fewer personal assistants, boss drivers ...and here are more barriers for women from jobs precisely because they are women and not for injustice.
The "seam" period has deep psychological consequences not only in terms of employment opportunities. but also in interpersonal relationships and even in a person's relationship with himself. The METOO campaign is a call to personal account of elections no less than it is an invitation to a social look at conduct.
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We see the expression of this accountability on the part of the victims as it is expressed in the sub-campaign "Why didn't I complain" which represents the need of the victims to explain their silence and the process that sometimes takes years to understand the essence of the harm and its consequences first of all for themselves. In essence, here is a sometimes years-long view of what paralyzed me then, was the tomorrow I paid worth in retrospect?
Sexual abuse has a criminal element, the state's desire to prevent and punish harm on the criminal level, and it has a civil element, the desire to try and compensate the victim, usually financial compensation. It is clear that everything is apparent - because what is the price of rape, what will compensate for it? What is the price of the loss of trust - who will compensate for the difficulty in relationships from here on out? How will we restore to the victim the ability to reconnect with his body - with the feeling of hunger and the need for contact after years of avoiding connecting his heart with his body again because of the desire to protect himself... How will we pay for the nightmares at night? About the heart that beats at every entrance to a stairwell because 30 years ago there was a man there who tortured himself at my expense?
Financial compensation will never come close to being real and proper compensation. The best thing that financial compensation can buy for the victim is the ability to choose to take care of himself.
Revenge - does it work?
Many think that women as victims are motivated by revenge. But this rule is not true. We are witness to quite a few stories where women bravely exposed themselves as victims without revealing the name of the abuser at all. And hence, at least in some cases, the self-disclosure serves the need to be cleansed of the burden of the secret.
A public reckoning "He stole from me so now I will steal from him"
So what really heals?
The unique mental element in sexual injury compared to other tortious injuries - is the element of intent to injure, sexual harassment is not a car accident, it's not like I was run over by a car that didn't stop at a red light. It is not done distractedly and is always personal, at least in the eyes of the victim.
The victim usually cannot get rid of the idea that this was done to him personally, that in a personal and specific way someone deliberately chose to run over him.
from the attackers
In my meetings with victims in the hat of a nanny, the main motto was repeated - someone else took something from them that they did not agree to give. In this place, the 5-year-old child always comes out and shouts at his parent in frustration, "You don't decide for me". God
Mediation is a great psychological way to put control back into the hands of the victims and the abusers
Because all sexual abuse is fundamentally an experience of lack of control. They did it against my will
What did we actually gain as a society from the revolution?
Why is mediation the right way?
How is the revolution?
Lent Felix cost 40 million dollars?
Well, did we get any of that?
Ivy has been living in the house for several years now, what did we get out of it?
For Chaim Ramon, this more or less eliminated his political career
Something illogical is happening... it doesn't mean that something unjust is happening here... but the question is, can we as a society handle the issue of sexual harassment in a better way than what is happening now?
And my answer is an unequivocal yes. More than that I believe